One of the things I love the most about my grandmother, besides the stories of the time before the port’s expansion, is hearing her recite old proverbs. I was on a call with her not too long ago when I purposely mentioned that the spring equinox was getting close, secretly hoping for her to drop one of her usual sayings, and it worked. As expected, I heard her say, “la primavera, lasangre altera.” In English, the idiom translates to “spring disquiets one’s blood,” and it refers to the season’s tendency to energize, bring change, and compel us to pair up.
Perhaps the saying has a point. Indeed, sometimes I feel like everyone gets into a relationship in the spring. Some studies [4] blame this on seasonal peaks of sexual hormones and the increase in day length. I see the value of the evidence, but that just can’t be the whole truth. Surely, there must be something more to the nerve-wracking, impossible, but ultimately fascinating dilemma of whether or not to double-text, other than the identification of fit mates. Many biological and evolutionary theories of interpersonal relationships tend to neglect the social and contextual forces that influence the way we connect [3]. There’s a magic to meeting and getting to know someone, whether romantically or otherwise, that just cannot be attributed to neural activity and primitive instincts. The early stages of any relationship always feel to me like an exciting game of moves and countermoves in which people make meaning together, negotiate values, and tentatively build the ties that bind us together. Somewhere between the very first instances of awkward small talk and the point of losing oneself in late-night conversations, we engage in a process of transformation and sharing through language.
Conversations change us in subtle ways. They teach us the workings of the world; what is acceptable, admirable, and repulsive. In the context of new friends, they open a fascinating world of possibilities. In the context of dating... well, they become an equally fascinating minefield. Discourse, or, in other words, the social practice of making meaning through language, highlights the performativity of speech [1]. This is not to say that all forms of communication are means of manipulation, but that speech is not just a representation of our thoughts. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be a difference between adding two or three exclamation marks at the end of our messages, and humor wouldn’t exist. Language doesn’t just describe; it does. It performs by showcasing different versions of ourselves and by subtly instilling action [2]. The date who tells me not to worry about it when I ask her, “However, can I pay you for tonight’s drinks?” isn’t just being reassuring; she’s flirting with me. Just like my comments about the spring equinox aren’t just about the passing of the seasons, they are a subtle request to connect and find familiarity through tradition. It becomes impossible not to get excited about meeting others once you realize all the different ways a conversation might take us, and how much we can learn from one another. Perhaps the saying has a point, after all. Perhaps spring does disquiet one’s blood, and perhaps we should all expand our horizons beyond romantic relationships, play the conversation game, transform, and be transformed.
In the end, I always find it somewhat funny, because my grandmother has never been outside the Canary Islands, and one could argue that it’s almost always spring at home. I don’t say this, though. I tell her about the flowers in the Netherlands, and the curling of my lips gets bigger once she says she’s surprised at how quickly I got used to the rain. I know she’s not just commenting on the weather; she’s letting me know that I’m changing, being transformed. It makes me think about all the nerve-wracking, impossible, but ultimately fascinating people I interact with every day, and I come to realize that perhaps it’s almost always spring for me as well.
References
[1] Billig, M. (2009). Discursive psychology, rhetoric and the issue of agency. Semen, 27. https://doi.org/10.4000/semen.8930
[2] Edley, N. (2001). Unravelling Social Constructionism. Theory & Psychology, 11(3), 433–441. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959354301113008
[3] Miller, R. (2014). Intimate relationships. McGraw-Hill Education.
[4] Shanmugam, D., Espinosa, M., Gassen, J., van Lamsweerde, A., Pearson, J. T., Benhar,
E., & Hill, S. (2023). A multi-site study of the relationship between photoperiod and ovulation rate using Natural Cycles data. Scientific Reports, 13(1), 8379. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-34940-z